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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Year That Will Be – a Precap of 2014



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The Year That Will Be

by Peter Funt 
Dec. 30, 2013



Late December is traditionally a time to recap the year’s news, but do we really have the stomach for it in 2013? Let’s look ahead, with a precap of news sure to happen in 2014.



Jan. 1 A White House brunch ends abruptly as participants fail to agree on a New Year’s toast. Democrats reportedly favored “Here’s to health and prosperity,” while G.O.P. leaders objected to the term “health.”

Jan. 18 Bill O’Reilly’s new book, “Killing Literature,” debuts at No.3 on the New York Times best-seller list.

Feb. 2 At the Super Bowl, N.F.L. officials announce a new protocol for evaluating possible concussions. Injured players will be required to recite three gay slurs in 60 seconds before being allowed back on the field.

Feb. 10 Following months of protests by disgruntled workers, the Labor Department finally cracks down on the nation’s largest employer by demanding it decide once and for all whether its name should be spelled Walmart or Wal-Mart.

March 11 Delta Air Lines clarifies that standing room at airport boarding areas “will remain free for the foreseeable future,” but that seats for passengers waiting to board will now cost $25.

March 18 Hillary Rodham Clinton begins her 12-state “Set the Record Straight” tour, aimed at convincing voters that she has not decided whether she will seek the presidency in 2016.

March 30 Hoping to silence critics, NBC’s “Saturday Night Live” hires a female cast member who is part black, part Native American and part Republican.

April 16 Kellogg’s unveils a new breakfast cereal called Cholester-Os, “A tasty blend of sugar, oats and Lipitor,” providing 90 percent of the new recommended daily dose of statins.

April 21 The White House releases figures for its first “National Online Easter Egg Hunt.” A total of nine children were able to log on — four in Massachusetts, three in California and two in New Jersey. A White House spokesman, Jay Carney, tells reporters, “This gives us something to build on.”

May 9 Google and Warner Bros. reveal that “Gravity” will have its mobile device debut on Google Glass. For full effect, viewers will wear Google 3-D contact lenses under their Google glasses.

May 22 The Gallup Organization says it is suspending congressional approval polls, newspaper readership polls and Kanye West Q ratings, until data return to “scientifically measurable levels.”

May 26 President Obama delivers a Memorial Day speech, with signing provided by Cedric the Entertainer.

June 3 CNN changes the name of Anderson Cooper’s show to “AC 1,095.” According to a news release, “The new title more accurately reflects the number of times Mr. Cooper’s show appears on CNN each year.”

July 4 Macy’s kicks off the holiday season by having Santa ride in the final float of its Fourth of July Parade.

Aug. 9 The police in Palo Alto, Calif., crack down on people begging for bitcoins.

Aug. 12 Bill O’Reilly’s new book, “Killing Conversation,” becomes the first title delivered by Amazon’s fleet of drones. The recipient, Edith Johnston of West Palm Beach, Fla., is unharmed, but three Pakistani civilians at a wedding are injured in the delivery.

Sept. 18 A Pew poll reveals, “If the 2024 presidential election were held today, Chelsea Clinton would get 54 percent of the undecided female vote.”

Oct. 4 Oregon becomes the first state to recognize business partnerships between same-sex marijuana growers.

Nov. 4 Bowing to pressure from its authors, Macmillan announces that in 2015 it will limit Bill O’Reilly to 16 new books per annum.

Dec. 31 In a year-end message to the nation via YouTube, Mr. Obama says he “misspoke” a week earlier when he promised, “If you don’t like your holiday gifts, you don’t have to keep them.” The president concedes that “a small percentage of Americans will not be able to return socks and mittens from grandparents.”

Peter Funt is a writer and television host.



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Tuesday, December 24, 2013

A Christmas Manners Quiz



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A Christmas Manners Quiz

By DELIA EPHRON
Published: December 23, 2013




YOU arrive for Christmas dinner. Your mother has left your father for a woman and you are meeting her for the first time.

Do you say, “Hello, it’s nice to meet you”?

Do you tweet, “#MomIsGay. She’s going to hell”?

Do you text your best friend, “If I survive Xmas, it will be a miracle”?


Your cousin Stephen has become a born-again Christian and wants to say grace.

Do you bow your head and wait patiently until it’s over?

Do you stick your fingers in your ears and tell your 5-year-old niece Lily to do the same?

Do you say, “If you love God so much, why don’t you marry him?”

Do you text your best friend, “Xmas the nightmare continues, now we’re praying”?


Your sister Maria has a new boyfriend who is three months sober and wearing cargo shorts.

Do you drag your sister Jen into the kitchen to discuss Maria and her boyfriend behind their backs?

Do you take his picture and tweet it with #Men2Old2WearCargoShorts?

Neither.

Both.

Do you start a pool? Everyone can pay $1 and guess how long Maria’s new relationship will last.

Do you start a pool? Everyone can pay $1 and guess how long Maria’s new boyfriend will stay sober.


Your Uncle Eric loves Fox News. Your sister Jen listens only to NPR. Which of these are appropriate dinner table conversations?

The Republicans are racists masquerading as conservatives.

Obama is a Muslim socialist masquerading as a Christian Democrat.

How lucky we all are to be together.

How lucky we all are not to live in Toronto.

If I took my dirty clothes into the ice cream store instead of the cleaners, does that mean I have Alzheimer’s?


Your nephew Jeremy lost his job, developed colitis and doesn’t have health care. What do you say to him?

“Move to France.”

“You’ve always got some drama going, don’t you?”

“I’ll sit with you at the computer and, even if it takes all night, we’ll get on that website and sign you up for Obamacare.”

“You’re screwed.”


Your niece Emily gets one temporary job after another, but the minute the company has to hire her permanently and give her benefits they fire her. What do you say to her?

“If you were any good, that wouldn’t happen.”

“Life will get better, I promise. You are brilliant and talented. There has to be one decent corporation in America.”

“Unemployment in Spain is 26 percent. Unemployment in Greece is 27 percent. Unemployment on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota is over 80 percent. Stop whining and help me peel stickers off fruit.”


Your niece Vivian is single and on dating websites. She tells you about Lulu, a smartphone app that lets women rank their dates with hashtags like #KinkyButInAGoodWay. What is the proper response?

“Thank God I’m not single. I feel so, so sorry for you.”

“That is the sickest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“The women who founded that app became millionaires and they are two years younger than you.”

None of the above.


Your cousin Kara and her husband Brad, an investment banker, ate last week at Per Se. The meal cost $685 per person, says Kara, and afterward she Googled a review of the restaurant, which said it was worth every penny, and that review was so right.

Do you force Kara to write a $50,000 check to the New York City food bank?

Do you force Brad to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”?

Do you feel sad and poor even though a minute before you were happy and only sort of poor? Do you think about the credit card debt that you’ll probably never pay off (from buying all these Christmas presents) and how crowded it was in coach on the flight out, and how you were crammed into the middle seat, and your foot fell asleep, and you got a stiff neck and you’re getting the flu because the guy next to you had a hacking cough? In fact, you realize, you absolutely hate your life, but not as much as you hate Brad and Kara.

Do you drag your sisters Maria and Jen into the kitchen to discuss what a spoiled brat your cousin is?

All of the above.


Your brother Marcus has come out of hiding for Christmas dinner because he can’t resist your mother’s plum pudding. He is wanted for 10 gangland slayings.

Do you call the police?

Do you let him eat some pudding with hard sauce and then call the police?

Do you think, I would rather lose my job, my reputation and all my friends, and let a murderer go free, and not give any of the victims’ families closure than turn in my brother and wreck Christmas?


It’s time to leave. As soon as you get in the car, what do you do?

Call your best friend and say, “As usual my mom didn’t ask me one single question about myself.”

Call your best friend and say, “I felt like I was 15 again.”

Call your shrink and leave a message: “As usual, all anyone cares about is my brother.”

Post a picture of your mom and the woman she’s in love with on Facebook. “Mom and Lindy. Welcome to the family.”

Call your dad and say, “We’ll be there in a half-hour.” Swear that you hardly ate and you can’t wait to see him and meet Samantha.

Text your best friend, “One down, one to go.”


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Saturday, December 21, 2013

USAF Band flash mob – National Air & Space Museum



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From the youtube blurb:

Starting with a single cellist on the floor of the National Air and Space Museum's Milestones of Flight gallery and swelling to 120 musicians, The United States Air Force Band exhilarated museum visitors yesterday with its first-ever flash mob. The four-minute performance featured an original arrangement of "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring/Joy to the World," led by the Band's commander and conductor, Col. Larry H. Lang. Unsuspecting museum visitors including tourists and school groups were astonished as instrumentalists streamed into the gallery from behind airplanes and space capsules, and vocalists burst into song from the Museum's second floor balcony. Executive Producer: Col. Larry H. Lang. Provided by The U.S. Air Force Band.





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Saturday, December 14, 2013

Lessons from World War I



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Today’s globalization is uncannily similar to that leading up to the World War I. Paraphrasing Churchill, Santayana and Edmund Burke, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”




The Great War’s Ominous Echoes

by MARGARET MacMILLAN 

 Dec. 13, 2013 



Oxford, England — Earlier this year, I was on holiday in Corsica and wandered into the church of a tiny hamlet in the hills where I found a memorial to the dead from World War I. Out of a population that can have been no more than 150, eight young men, bearing among them only three last names, had died in that conflict. Such lists can be found all over Europe, in great cities and in small villages. Similar memorials are spread around the globe, for the Great War, as it was known before 1940, also drew soldiers from Asia, Africa and North America.

World War I still haunts us, partly because of the sheer scale of the carnage — 10 million combatants killed and many more wounded. Countless civilians lost their lives, too, whether through military action, starvation or disease. Whole empires were destroyed and societies brutalized.

But there’s another reason the war continues to haunt us: we still cannot agree on why it happened. Was it caused by the overweening ambitions of some of the men in power at the time? Kaiser Wilhelm II and his ministers, for example, wanted a greater Germany with a global reach, so they challenged the naval supremacy of Britain. Or does the explanation lie in competing ideologies? National rivalries? Or in the sheer and seemingly unstoppable momentum of militarism? As an arms race accelerated, generals and admirals made plans that became ever more aggressive as well as rigid. Did that make an explosion inevitable?

Or would it never have happened had a random event in an Austro-Hungarian backwater not lit the fuse? In the second year of the conflagration that engulfed most of Europe, a bitter joke made the rounds: “Have you seen today’s headline? ‘Archduke Found Alive: War a Mistake.”’ That is the most dispiriting explanation of all — that the war was simply a blunder that could have been avoided.

The search for explanations began almost as soon as the guns opened fire in the summer of 1914 and has never stopped. The approaching centenary should make us reflect anew on our vulnerability to human error, sudden catastrophes, and sheer accident. History, in the saying attributed to Mark Twain, never repeats itself but it rhymes. We have good reason to glance over our shoulders even as we look ahead. If we cannot determine how one of the most momentous conflicts in history happened, how can we hope to avoid another such catastrophe in the future?

Though the era just before World War I, with its gas lighting and its horse-drawn carriages, seems very far-off, it is similar to ours — often unsettlingly so — in many ways. Globalization — which we tend to think of as a modern phenomenon, created by the spread of international businesses and investment, the growth of the Internet, and the widespread migration of peoples — was also characteristic of that era. Even remote parts of the world were being linked by new means of transportation, from railways to steamships, and communication, including the telephone, telegraph and wireless.

The decades leading up to 1914 were, as now, a period of dramatic shifts and upheavals, which those who experienced them thought of as unprecedented in speed and scale. New fields of commerce and manufacture were opening up, such as the rapidly expanding chemical and electrical industries. Einstein was developing his general theory of relativity; radical new ideas like psychoanalysis were finding a following; and the roots of the predatory ideologies of fascism and Soviet Communism were taking hold.

Globalization can have the paradoxical effect of fostering intense localism and nativism, frightening people into taking refuge in small like-minded groups. Globalization also makes possible the widespread transmission of radical ideologies and the bringing together of fanatics who will stop at nothing in their quest for the perfect society. In the period before World War I, anarchists and revolutionary Socialists across Europe and North America read the same works and had the same aim: to overthrow the existing social order. The young Serbs who assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria at Sarajevo were inspired by Nietzsche and Bakunin, just as their Russian and French counterparts were.

Terrorists from Calcutta to Buffalo imitated one another as they hurled bombs onto the floors of stock exchanges, blew up railway lines, and stabbed and shot those they saw as oppressors, whether the Empress Elisabeth of Austria-Hungary or the president of the United States, William McKinley. Today, new technologies and social media platforms provide new rallying points for fanatics, enabling them to spread their messages to even wider audiences around the globe.

With our “war on terror,” we run the same risk of overestimating the power of a loose network of extremists, few in number. More dangerous may be our miscalculations about the significance of changes in warfare. A hundred years ago, most military planners and the civilian governments who watched from the sidelines got the nature of the coming war catastrophically wrong.

The great advances of Europe’s science and technology and the increasing output of its factories during its long period of peace had made going on the attack much more costly in casualties. The killing zone — the area that advancing soldiers had to cross in the face of deadly enemy fire — had expanded hugely, from 100 yards in the Napoleonic wars to over 1,000 yards by 1914. The rifles and machine guns they faced were firing faster and more accurately, and the artillery shells contained more devastating explosives. Soldiers attacking, no matter how brave, would suffer horrific losses, while defenders sat in the relative security of their trenches, behind sandbags and barbed wire.

A comparable mistake in our own time is the assumption that because of our advanced technology, we can deliver quick, focused and overpowering military actions — “surgical strikes” with drones and cruise missiles, “shock and awe” by carpet bombing and armored divisions — resulting in conflicts that will be short and limited in their impact, and victories that will be decisive. Increasingly, we are seeing asymmetrical wars between well-armed, organized forces on one side and low-level insurgencies on the other, which can spread across not just a region but a continent, or even the globe. Yet we are not seeing clear outcomes, partly because there is not one enemy but a shifting coalition of local warlords, religious warriors and other interested parties.

Think of Afghanistan or Syria, where local and international players are mingled and what constitutes victory is difficult to define. In such wars, those ordering military action must consider not just the combatants on the ground but the elusive yet critical factor of public opinion. Thanks to social media, every airstrike, artillery shell and cloud of poison gas that hits civilian targets is now filmed and tweeted around the world.

Globalization can heighten rivalries and fears between countries that one might otherwise expect to be friends. On the eve of World War I, Britain, the world’s greatest naval power, and Germany, the world’s greatest land power, were each other’s largest trading partners. British children played with toys, including lead soldiers, made in Germany, and the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden resounded with the voices of German singers performing German operas. But all that did not translate into friendship.

Quite the contrary. With Germany cutting into Britain’s traditional markets and vying with it for colonies and power, the British felt threatened. As early as 1896, a best-selling British pamphlet, “Made in Germany,” painted an ominous picture: “A gigantic commercial State is arising to menace our prosperity, and contend with us for the trade of the world.” Many Germans held reciprocal views. When Kaiser Wilhelm and his naval secretary Admiral Alfred von Tirpitz built a deepwater navy to challenge British naval supremacy, the unease in Britain about Germany’s growing commercial and military power turned into something close to panic.

It is tempting — and sobering — to compare today’s relationship between China and America to that between Germany and England a century ago. Lulling ourselves into a false sense of safety, we say that countries that have McDonald’s will never fight one another. Yet the extraordinary growth in trade and investment between China and the United States since the 1980s has not served to allay mutual suspicions. At a time when the two countries are competing for markets, resources and influence from the Caribbean to Central Asia, China has become increasingly ready to translate its economic strength into military power.

Increased Chinese military spending and the buildup of its naval capacity suggest to many American strategists that China intends to challenge the United States as a Pacific power, and we are now seeing an arms race between the countries in that region. The Wall Street Journal has published authoritative reports that the Pentagon is preparing war plans against China — just in case.
Before 1914, the great powers talked of their honor. Today, Secretary of State John Kerry refers to America’s credibility or prestige. It amounts to much the same thing.

Once lines are drawn between nations, reaching across them becomes difficult. In the Europe of 1914, the growth of nationalist feeling — encouraged from above but rising from the grass roots where historians, linguists and folklorists were busy creating stories of ancient and eternal enmities — did much to cause ill will among nations who might otherwise have been friends. What Freud called the “narcissism of small differences” can lead to violence and death — a danger amplified if the greater powers choose to intervene as protectors of groups outside their own borders who share a religious or ethnic identity with them. Here, too, we can see ominous parallels between present and past.

Before World War I, Serbia financed and armed Serbs within the Austrian Empire, while both Russia and Austria stirred up the peoples along each other’s borders. In our time, Saudi Arabia backs Sunnis, and Sunni-majority states, around the world, while Iran has made itself the protector of Shiites, funding radical movements such as Hezbollah. The Middle East today bears a worrying resemblance to the Balkans then. A similar mix of toxic nationalisms threatens to draw in outside powers as the United States, Turkey, Russia and Iran all look to protect their interests and their clients. We must hope that Russia will have more control over the Damascus government to compel it to the negotiating table than it had over Serbia in 1914.

Like our predecessors a century ago, we assume that all-out war is something we no longer do. The French Socialist leader Jean Jaurès, a man of great wisdom who tried unsuccessfully to stanch the rise of militarism in the early years of the 20th century, understood this well. “Europe has been afflicted by so many crises for so many years,” he said on the eve of World War I, and “it has been put dangerously to the test so many times without war breaking out, that it has almost ceased to believe in the threat and is watching the further development of the interminable Balkan conflict with decreased attention and reduced disquiet.”

With different leadership, World War I might have been avoided. Europe in 1914 needed a Bismarck or a Churchill with the strength of character to stand up to pressure and the capacity to see the larger strategic picture. Instead, the key powers had weak, divided or distracted leaders. Today, America’s president faces a series of politicians in China who, like those in Germany a century ago, are deeply concerned that their nation be taken seriously. In Vladimir V. Putin, President Obama must deal with a Russian nationalist who is both wilier and stronger than the unfortunate Czar Nicholas II.

Mr. Obama, like Woodrow Wilson, is a great orator, capable of laying out his vision of the world and inspiring Americans. But like Wilson at the end of the 1914-18 war, Mr. Obama is dealing with a partisan and uncooperative Congress. Perhaps even more worrying, he may be in a position similar to that of the British prime minister in 1914, Herbert Asquith — presiding over a country so divided internally that it is unwilling or unable to play an active and constructive role in the world.

The United States on the eve of 2014 is still the world’s strongest power, but it is not as powerful as it once was. It has suffered military setbacks in Iraq and Afghanistan, and has had difficulty finding allies that will stand by it, as the Syrian crisis demonstrates. Uncomfortably aware that they have few reliable friends and many potential enemies, the Americans are now considering a return to a more isolationist policy. Is America reaching the end of its tether, as Britain did before it?

It may take a moment of real danger to force the major powers of this new world order to come together in coalitions able and willing to act. Instead of muddling along from one crisis to another, now is the time to think again about those dreadful lessons of a century ago — in the hope that our leaders, with our encouragement, will think about how they can work together to build a stable international order.

Margaret MacMillan is warden of St. Antony’s College, Oxford, and the author, most recently, of “The War That Ended Peace: The Road to 1914.” This article is adapted from The Brookings Essay, a series published by the Brookings Institution.


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Thursday, December 12, 2013

Dog & Owner Hit by Car – Dog Limps for Help



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Dog Helps Save Owner Who Was Hit By Car In Dorchester

Dec. 11, 2013

BOSTON (CBS) – A dog helped save her owner who was badly injured in a car crash just days before Thanksgiving.




John Miles was walking his dog Lucy on Neponset Street in Dorchester, as he does every day, when both of them were hit by a car.

John blacked out and doesn’t remember what happened. Lucy, a husky-beagle mix, who was also injured, limped to a nearby dentist’s office and barked until help arrived. She limped back and stayed by John’s side until emergency crews arrived.

“I’m very happy that Lucy did what she did,” Miles said. “Makes me feel wonderful because if a dog as good as her can get recognition for doing something above and beyond good for her.”

John had no identification on him, so first responders used Lucy’s ID tags to determine who they were. “What I’m being told is she sat there and was crying and everything else, you know because I couldn’t get up,” John says. “That’s the type of dog she is.”

John suffered major injuries including two broken legs, a broken arm and 15 facial fractures. He will undergo surgery on Thursday. Lucy is currently limping around with a torn ACL and leg fractures. Right now, she is clearly missing John.

“What I’m being told is she sat there and was crying and everything else, you know because I couldn’t get up,” John says. “That’s the type of dog she is.”

John suffered major injuries including two broken legs, a broken arm and 15 facial fractures. He will undergo surgery on Thursday. Lucy is currently limping around with a torn ACL and leg fractures. Right now, she is clearly missing John.


“We found out that beagles actually cry, they have tear ducts,” said Caitlan Miles, John’s daughter. “So after the accident, when I was home with her, she had tears running down her fur. She is walking around lost without him.” [emphasis added]


Lucy will have surgery on Friday. A fund has been set up to help pay for the cost of her care.

“Once the winter’s over, if I’m recovered and Lucy’s recovered you can bet we’ll be out doing our walking again,” John said.

Boston Police told WBZ-TV the driver stopped after the accident and will not be charged.





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