Suicide Is NOT Painless

Caveat: This article does not apply to death with dignity – “Kevorkian-type” suicide. Death with dignity is wholly different in every aspect.

This past Sunday morning, the husband of a good friend shot himself in the chest with a shotgun in the garage of their suburban home.


To take one’s own life requires something extraordinary. May none of us ever know personally what that something is. I picture someone at the bottom of a well so deep as to be in total darkness. One knows where the light is but cannot even fathom the possibility of ever reaching it. As long as there is a glimmer of light all is not lost. When that goes, so does the last thread of survival.


Suicide is all about the needs of the person ending his life. That person is taking action to resolve the issues in his life by the only means of which he is capable. It is his resolution – the one that works for him. Its effects on others are secondary if even considered. Even those superficially motivated to by “I’ll show them” or “now they’ll pay attention to me” are satisfying solely personal needs.


Suicide may be the painless way out of a seemingly bottomless pit but it is always self-centered. The devastation left in its wake is known only to those who have been affected by the suicide of a friend or family member. The initial shock is stultifying. The death scene is forever etched in too many minds. “Why” is the first question. Maybe a note will shed light. Sometimes there is no note. The question of why is turned over and over a hundredfold in every waking and trying-to-sleep hour. Why didn’t we see this coming? Sometimes you do; most of the time you don’t. Then there’s guilt. We could have, should have done something to prevent this. I’m responsible for this. It’s my fault. This is guilt that stays with one for a lifetime. Anger. Yes, lots of anger at the suicide. How could you do this to us?!


Got all that? Now take all that and add it to the suffering of those losing a loved one by any other means of death.


Add on to all that the extraordinary suffering of one choosing death over life.


Suicide is the cruelest of deaths.