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England’s Reflexive Pronoun Epidemic
by Roger Cohen | July 28,
2016
There is a reflexive pronoun
epidemic in England that, while it may not be high on the list of the world’s
problems, is suggestive of some serious social weirdness. It’s a straining for
exaggerated politeness or elevated speech that reflects a society still riven
by class.
“Does that work for
yourself?” “Could we perhaps have a quote from yourself?” “Is the water
temperature right for yourself?” “We will have that fixed for yourself as soon
as possible.” “I have booked the flight for yourself.”
Yes, that is all fine for
myself!!! (I would not dream of ending that last sentence with a period as it
may appear unenthusiastic when I want to exude delight at being addressed with
such deference.) In fact, thanks to yourself, it’s been a great day for
myself!!!
What on earth is wrong with
little old “you” and “me?” They are words too short and too plain for the
hospitality and service industries that now make up a big chunk of the British
economy. People used to manufacture machines. Now they manufacture obsequious
multisyllabic reflexive pronouns with a letter quotient designed to aggrandize
yourselves, and so render yourself pliant to opening your wallet.
It’s all part of the
“bespoke” experience!! Don’t get me started on that.
Of course, I have to curb the
overwhelming urge to tell people that “you” and “me” are just fine for ME (as
they should be for YOU), as that would reveal my own snobbery in reaction to
their inverted, or misplaced, or attempted snobbery; so sharpening corrosive
social divisions.
That would not be good for a
country, or what is left of it, that recently saw two old Etonians, David
Cameron and Boris Johnson, duel over Britain’s European future and produce a
disaster for myself, yourself, herself, himself and just about any self.
There is no doubt, at least
for myself, that this reflexive pronoun business has now outstripped apostrophe
abuse as the supreme grammatical annoyance. Its such an irritant in it’s way —
perhaps also to yourselve’s?!?!
There is also the
uncontrolled use of the word “pop” to consider — “pop a signature on there,”
“pop your seat upright,” “pop me an e-mail” — but it’s a short word that falls
within the ambit of that maddeningly meaningless phrase: It is what it is.
Now if any British
corporation “reached out” to its employees on the issue of the misuse of
reflexive pronouns, it would probably have to “take the issue offline” because
of its sensitivity, “unpack” all the nuances, make discussion of it “a regular
thing going forward,” “drill down” as far as possible, “get its ducks in a row”
before deciding to “action” any change, and generally have a “thought shower”
(“brainstorm” is now, it seems, considered offensive to epileptics) about how
its clients “themselves” might react.
Not bothering with all this
is clearly a no-brainer!!!
I know that there is no
escaping the little irritants in life, like asking for ice in your Coke in
France and getting a single ice cube; or the beeps and pings that now issue
from every electronic contraption; or seeing a bottle of good wine emptied by
some overzealous sommelier into four glasses filled almost to the brim; or
losing out to the fine print; or being defeated in the quest to speak to a
human being by some devilish labyrinth of automated responses; or having to
listen to an explanation of why anyone would want a driverless car; or password
hell; or just finding yourself in an airport alongside all the other suckers
who know for a fact that whatever happened to Osama bin Laden was grossly
insufficient punishment.
So it goes. You just have to
breathe deeply and be grateful for the gift of breath. YOLO! Don’t get me
started on that, either.
The English reflexive pronoun
thing has not crossed the Atlantic, yet, but “no worries” has (having
previously made the longer crossing from Australia). I’m just not in a space
right now where I can deal with that. (“Oh, really, where are you then?”)
It may just be time to
“offboard” as I’m not sure I have the “bandwidth” to be “looped” into a
discussion of how anyone can say “no worries” at this particular moment in
history, whatever side of the Atlantic himself or herself happens to be
situated on. I mean that’s just beyond. What would be even the thematic tent
poles of the debate? I can’t even!!
Let’s face it: “Does that
work for yourself?” is never going to work in New York City, which would rather
tell you to “drop dead” than adopt that affectation. So there are limits to the
global homogenization of bad English after all. Neither deference nor pomposity
is a New York thing. America is not classless; it’s just not class obsessed.
That in plain English will
about do it for myself.
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