***
Inshallah Is Good for Everyone
by Wajahat Ali | April 22,
2016
A COLLEGE student was
recently escorted off a Southwest Airlines flight after a fellow passenger said
she heard him making comments in Arabic that were “potentially threatening.”
In a statement, Southwest
Airlines said that the student, Khairuldeen Makhzoomi, who came to the United
States as a refugee from Iraq, was removed for the “content of the passenger’s
conversation” and not his language choice.
Mr. Makhzoomi wasn’t ranting
about death, terror, Trump or artisanal mayonnaise — any of which might warrant
such a drastic response.
No. What he said on the phone
right before the passenger expressed concern, he later explained, was the
Arabic phrase “inshallah,” which translates as “God willing.”
This trisyllabic, Semitic
weapon of mass destruction is a hallmark of the Arabic vernacular. Some
anti-Muslim bigots in recent years have argued Arabic is “the spearhead of an
ideological project that is deeply opposed to the United States,” one that
seeks to replace the United States Constitution with a halal cart menu. Most
sane individuals, however, believe Arabic is simply a language that millions of
people around the world speak.
But now Arabic has become a
nightmare that terrorizes passengers at 30,000 feet. In November, two men said
they were questioned before boarding a Southwest flight because a few
passengers heard them speak Arabic and were afraid to fly with them. Several
years ago, six imams were kicked off a plane for what fellow passengers deemed
suspicious behavior, including praying in Arabic near the gate.
Arabic is so threatening to
some that it doesn’t even have to be spoken. In 2006, a man said he wasn’t
allowed to board a plane because he was wearing a black shirt with an Arabic
inscription that translates as “We will not be silent.”
Opportunity is often born
from absurdities. I believe this latest episode is actually a great moment to
bring the versatile and glorious term inshallah into the vocabulary of more
Americans.
Inshallah is the Arabic
version of “fuggedaboudit.” It’s similar to how the British use the word
“brilliant” to both praise and passive-aggressively deride everything and
everyone. It transports both the speaker and the listener to a fantastical
place where promises, dreams and realistic goals are replaced by delusional
hope and earnest yearning.
If you are a parent, you can
employ inshallah to either defer or subtly crush the desires of young children.
Boy: “Father, will we go to
Toys ‘R’ Us later today?”
Father: “Yes. Inshallah.”
Translation: “There is no way
we’re going to Toys ‘R’ Us. I’m exhausted. Play with the neighbor’s toys. Here,
play with this staple remover. That’s fun, isn’t it?”
If you are a commitment-phobe
or habitually late to events, inshallah immediately provides you with an
ambiguous grace period.
Wedding Planner: “We only
have the hall from 7 to 10 p.m. We’ll incur extra charges if we go past 10.
Please tell me you’ll be on time.”
Wedding Attendee: “But of
course! Inshallah, we’ll be there.”
Translation: “Oh, you sad,
sad, silly little man. I hope you have saved a lot of money or have access to
an inheritance. I’ll leave my house at 9:45 p.m.”
Inshallah is also an
extremely useful tool in the modern quest for love.
Man: “So, you think we can go
on a date later this week?”
Woman: “Yeah, let me think
about it, inshallah.”
Translation: “No. Never.
There is no way we are ever going on a date. Even if there was a zombie
apocalypse and you were the last man on earth, I would not consider this an
option and would rather the human species perish as a result of my decision.”
I drop about 80 inshallahs a
day, give or take. I’ll get to the gym, inshallah. Yes, I’ll clean up around
the house, inshallah.
Most commonly, inshallah is
used in Muslim-majority communities to escape introspection, hard work and
strategic planning and instead outsource such responsibilities to an omnipotent
being, who somehow, at some time, will intervene and fix our collective problems.
Many Americans may want to do
a Hail Mary inshallah to wash away the ugliness leading up to the 2016
elections. One Republican presidential candidate suggested temporarily barring
Muslims from entering the United States. Another recommended that law
enforcement agents patrol Muslim neighborhoods.
We’re encouraged by
authorities to say something if we see something. Unfortunately, the toxic mix
of fear, ignorance and hate clouds the better judgment of otherwise
well-intentioned Americans who transform common occurrences, and dark-skinned
neighbors, into permanent threats.
Here’s my humble request: If
you see me sitting on an airplane, drinking coffee, playing Assassin’s Creed on
my laptop and praying out loud “Inshallah, Trump and Cruz get zero votes,”
don’t worry. (Coffee, assassin and zero are all words with some Arabic roots,
by the way.) I assure you there’s no need for panic. I’m just a harmless dork
like you, hoping to stay on the plane.
***
No comments:
Post a Comment