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Why Do All These Homosexuals
Keep Sucking My Cock?
COMMENTARY • Opinion • Human Interest • Sex • Gay & Lesbian • ISSUE 44•26 ISSUE 41•27 • Jul
6, 2005
By
Bruce Heffernan
Look, I'm not a hateful
person or anything—I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've
been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever
I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.
Take last Sunday, for
instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the
health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about
their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a
real man's man, too—big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the
least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.
Where does this queer get the
nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa
without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock"
entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads,
"Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."
I've got nothing against
homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when
they start sucking my cock, I've got a real problem.
Then there was the time I was
hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in
his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that
mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!
What is it with these homos?
Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there
for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?
Believe me, I have no
interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the
guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my
wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All
of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
I tell you, when a homosexual
is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the
hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay?
And where did he get those fantastic boots?
It screws with your head at
other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's
going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even
started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy,
heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife—even some that haven't
actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver
Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.
Things could be worse, I
suppose. It could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and
would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened.
But, believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these homosexuals
mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to
know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.
I've tried all sorts of
things, but it's all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an
intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes
that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only
seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them
around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling
out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their
face, chest, and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the
message across to these swishes?
I swear, if these homosexuals
don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to
resort to drastic measures—like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of
the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up
their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of
their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.
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